Maybe you fell in love from the very beginning. Maybe your feelings have evolved over time. All you know is that you have that thing that everyone seeks but few achieve: a profession you love. But you’re about to abandon that. You don’t even know where to start explaining.
Your job is great. So is the place you work. The problem is not them, it’s you. Moreover, this is not a momentary decision or a temporary fad. You’ve been thinking about this for a while. You need to part ways now, even if you will regret it later. The right time is now.
You keep telling yourself that you should leave while you still have the choice, while you still have options. You are too young to be tied down and too good to be taken for granted. You have seen what happens to those who do this. The day comes and they are put in front of the door as if nothing happened. From where? For a new talent? Or does their love slowly turn into indifference, leading them to a quest? No, you will not allow this and you yourself will destroy the memory of this great modern love.
That’s the way things are, you have to accept it. Sigmund FreudHe is still quoted as saying a hundred years ago, “To live a good life, we need to be able to love and work.” It seems like we’re supposed to love work these days. We no longer expect respect, security or money from our jobs. We want passion, satisfaction and surprises. To put it simply, we want romance.
You will find meaning
Institutions take these requests seriously and do everything to win our hearts. They no longer just promise financial rewards to attract talent. Recruitment slogans promise that you will find “meaning.” You will improve. You will be part of a community and help change the world. If you’re lucky, you may even get a good salary. What’s left to stop you from falling in love?
Scholars have spent years understanding the factors that make us lose our hearts to an institution. They call this identification. It is not enough for them to just reward our efforts with nice profit packages. The companies we are passionately attached to also promise us the opportunity to improve ourselves.
When we “identify” we become what we do. We see ourselves as integrated with the values of the institution. If my workplace is open, disciplined and entrepreneurial, so should I be. If our institution shines, we feel like we shine, too. If he is in trouble, we feel in trouble too. Just like other romantic relationships, our jobs seem to be our healthiest and most logical addictions.
It’s no wonder we can’t stop thinking about our jobs and sometimes they cause us to lose our minds. Relationships are like that. It is demanding. It can consume you. But if it’s getting better, it gives you life. As long as it lasts, of course.
I used to be in love but now?
I often meet people who no longer have any feelings for a feeling they used to love. To make sense of their confused feelings, they often turn to management courses, just like couples therapy. I can understand them because some days I am just like them. I know the hesitation, the slight feeling of guilt, the fear. Am I getting impatient? Will I be able to forget? Will I find something better, or at least something good? So who will I be when I leave?
Sometimes these questions are a sign that we have a dysfunctional romantic relationship with our job and that we are trapped in this relationship. On the other hand, our love for our job may have turned into a leveled and mature love. Often there is a mix of the two, but it is critical to distinguish between the two. Before you can think about how to break up for good, you have to understand why you’re breaking up.
Here’s how to know if you’re in a dysfunctional relationship. You give too much, you don’t get what you need, and you’re made to believe it’s your fault. Even if there is abuse, it is difficult to leave. You feel trapped for economic and psychological reasons. You want to go but you don’t feel strong enough and honestly, you can’t even imagine going. In his absence who what will you be?
This is how you understand that your feelings have turned into a solid love: Your passion turns into dedication and you begin to realize what is worth dedicating yourself to. You’re not sure it’s right to commit to a job because a job can’t love you no matter how much you love it. You love what you do and the people whose lives you touch through your work. These deserve your dedication.
Are you dysfunctional in this relationship?
If you realize that you are in a dysfunctional relationship, there is only one way to leave it well: The sooner the better. Find what you need to support yourself, it could be another job or friends. Then completely remove yourself from this dysfunctional relationship. Your recovery will take less time than you think. Even if only certain parts of your job are dysfunctional, draw a clear boundary between you and those parts. The moment you realize it is better, you will be free.
If you already have alternatives, such as an attractive offer or enough supporting factors in your environment, and you are still hesitating, you need to take another path. your love from your profession to what you do you must turn it around and embrace the new while respecting the old. So think twice before you leave: first, what you need to part with, and second, what you can’t part with. Then mourn the first and take the other with you.
Even if it is outdated or you have outgrown it, it may not be quick or easy to leave the profession that makes you who you are. You shouldn’t try to make it so. This would be an insult, a waste of learning. Give yourself time to say goodbye to people, places, and even things. Be aware of the last time you did something, the last time you attended a meeting, or the last time you looked out that window. If there’s a party, fill it with stories. You may feel sad amidst all the celebration, so allow it. Be prepared for people to console you while congratulating you. Your sadness may make you question the soundness of your decision. You may have made the wrong decision, of course you should think about this. But maybe this doubt is a sign that you did everything right from the beginning.
Enjoy your loss
Let your job teach you one last thing: to enjoy the loss. You will need this again. Nowadays, where the concept of a fixed workplace has disappeared, continuing on your path is as important as dedicating yourself to something. If we can’t do both, it’s unlikely we’ll be seen as talented. So loving our job is not enough. We must also learn to let go of it. Moreover, if it is difficult to love in the right way, it is also difficult to leave in the right way.
As you say your heartfelt farewells, don’t think that you have to leave the job you love with a light suitcase. Take everything you can so that no part of you is left behind. You will continue even if it is somewhere else. transition to new job Focus and think about how much this new job will improve you without the limitations of the job you left. Let the people you want to be in your new business life know that your relationship continues and may even develop in different directions. If you know what these aspects are, expressing them out loud will make both you and them feel good. If you are a person who likes to make lists, make a list for your job and the people you will take with you.
Finally, look at the institution you work for. You may have chosen to leave it, but you can keep the habits and values it gave you. That’s the beauty of identification: Unlike your computer and badge, you don’t have to give them back. Many people look back fondly on the days they spent at workplaces they left long ago because they helped them discover who they were, what they could do, and where they could go. Jennifer Petriglieri and I call such institutions “identification workplaces.” Mobile talents in this day and age find these appealing Because These workplaces make us feel like we can move. They stay with us even after we leave.
Sometimes separation is necessary
Sometimes we need to quit our profession or leave the institution we work for in order to love what we do better. Because to love well, something is required that is not taught by any profession or institution: The ability to be alone. If we can do this, love will no longer be a need but happiness. Our tendency to draw our boundaries increases, and this makes it easier for us to get closer to others and our profession without sacrificing ourselves. When we can be alone, we are less likely to be exploited and abused. We can truly commit ourselves because we are not slaves. Always go forward!
I don’t think loving a profession or institution is worth it. I reiterate: They cannot have the same love for you. But if a profession or institution allows you to find work and people you love, then it is good and deserves respect both when you work and when you leave.
